The Worst Song I’ve Ever Heard…So Far: Shakira – She Wolf
Shakira is hot. Ridiculously hot. There, I got that out of the way. I think she’s very cool too. She spent a semester taking classes at UCLA in disguise so she wouldn’t be treated differently by professors and other students. It’s refreshing to see a celebrity act like a normal person. But when it comes to her song She Wolf…Let’s skip the preamble and get right into the lyrics, shall we?
I’ll start with the chorus:
- “There’s a she wolf in your closet, Open up and set her free. There’s a she wolf in your closet, Let it out so it can breathe.”
I actually like the chorus to this song, because it makes sense. Unless she’s being literal here, and there is an actual wolf locked in her closet. Then it’s animal abuse. But most likely she’s speaking of the primal part of her that she keeps trapped inside and she wishes she could just go crazy sometimes. In a Rolling Stone interview, Shakira had this to say about her song: “‘She Wolf’ came to me very mysteriously. I was in the studio in a bad mood that day, then I got inspired and went to a corner and I wrote the lyrics and the melody in 10 minutes. The image of the she wolf just came to my head, and when I least expected it, I was howling and panting.”
Now I can’t get the image of Shakira howling and panting out of my head. Great. But I’ll force myself to continue. I don’t think she’s telling the truth about writing it in 10 minutes, and here is why:
- “A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me, Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy”
Lycanthropy?? Shakira scores points here for excellent use of a thesaurus and a clever use of a 4-sylable word, but who thinks of Lycanthropy off the top of their head? For anyone who doesn’t have a dictionary laying around or who isn’t a huge nerd, Lycanthropy is the ability of a human to undergo transformation into a wolf. Somehow, I don’t think Shakira, whose first language is Spanish, would have learned that in her English classes.
- “I’m starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office”
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner for Worst Metaphor Found In A Song. Moving on…
- “To locate the single men, I got on me a special radar”
I appreciate Shakira’s morality in this statement. She’s not gonna be a home-wrecker. She wants to find a single guy, not a married one. Good for you Shakira, because I’m sure there are about a million married guys who would swallow their wedding rings for a chance with you. But really, a radar to locate single men? And a SPECIAL radar at that?? Wow…
- “And the Fire Department Hotline in case I get in trouble later”
Good for you, Shakira, for being responsible. But then in the same Rolling Stone interview, she says:
- “‘It’s like a more animalistic side of you, a more primitive side … an animal person in a way, So when you understand these things you forgive yourself every time you screw up, you say, It wasn’t me, that was the she wolf … that was the animal in me, that wasn’t me, I have nothing to do with that”.
So while Shakira might be responsible enough to keep the fire department on notice in case things get too crazy, she has absolutely no accountability for her actions.
If you ask me, this song adds up to one very long visit to prison or the psych ward. Try telling a cop, “It wasn’t me, it was the wolf inside me!” I don’t care how hot you are. Maybe you’ll try howling and panting too. But in the end, you’re gonna end up in a straightjacket.
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