Ah the joys of pet ownership. The look of joy on your puppy’s face when you open the door after a long day at work. The kisses telling you that you are loved. The cuddle time when he falls asleep in your lap. The tearing of things apart. The humping… wait, maybe they aren’t all joys…

A week and a half ago my husband and I took the leap – we adopted a stray dog from the Animal Control Shelter. His name is Sport, he is a Pointer mix, and he’s around six months old.

From the beginning we knew he was a good dog. His second day with us neither Jason or I could be home with him, so he was in his crate for 9 hours. He did smashingly well – no messes, and he was not mad at us for being gone all day long. He hasn’t had an accident in the house since his second day with us, and he only chews on things he knows are his.

Because of his good behavior, this weekend we bought him a bed for his crate. The bottom looks pretty hard, and since he is such a good boy, we thought we’d give him something comfortable to lie on when we’re away. At first he seemed confused, but with time he came to understand the purpose of the bed and seemed to begin enjoying it. Until Sunday night – when he really learned how to enjoy it.

You see, when we go to bed, we put Sport in his crate in the living room and go upstairs. He usually goes straight to sleep and we don’t hear from him until the morning. Sunday night was different. When I came out of the shower I found my husband lying at the top of the steps peering down into the living room and I heard some interesting sounds coming from Sport’s crate. Sport discovered that his bed could double as a girlfriend and in the dark he barely knew the difference – just that he was enjoying himself. I guess that sex talk I had with him when we first got him did not sink in. He has rebelled against his mother’s advice and chosen to have sex before marriage.

Jason and I decided to leave Sport to do his thing and went to sleep. Then it happened again on Monday night – banging from downstairs. After some time went by it stopped, and we went to sleep – but not before spending some time lying at the top of the steps laughing at our little doggie making love to a bed.

Then I came down this morning and realized the shocking truth – Sport is a Black Widow. After having his way with his bed last night, he demolished it. No, he didn’t just chew on the corner. He didn’t tear a small piece off – when I came down there were pieces of his bed EVERYWHERE. I was amazed at how far the pieces had flown in the room. He tore through that thing like a lion eats through a zebra carcass. No consideration for the thing being torn apart, no consideration for the mess being made, the only thing on his mind was to fulfill his insatiable appetite to chew – the bed was given to him, and he took his liberties with it in more than one way.

Needless to say, Sport will not be receiving another bed until he is through with his tearing his things apart phase. That means that he will have to lie on the hard floor of his crate while we are gone, and he will no longer have a “girlfriend” with whom to have his way – but actions have consequences, and that is just a lesson he will have to learn. Ah the joys of pet ownership. The look of joy on your puppy’s face when you open the door after a long day at work. The kisses telling you that you are loved. The cuddle time when he falls asleep in your lap. The tearing of things apart. The humping… wait, maybe they aren’t all joys…

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1. Dogs: Preparation for Kids